Some Funnies

Some funnies I got from my family:

I've come to realize that the secret to a happy life is not looking like Barbie or Ken and suffering through tofu and rice cakes to stay that way! It's eating chocolate, staying chunky and explain that you're really a perfect size 6, but you keep it covered with fat so it doesn't get scratched!

I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"

Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"


Why is it that every time I lose weight it finds me again?

Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail? Or better yet, arrest them while they are taking their pictures!